The following was written whilst back at the Homestead. I meant to post it earlier on, but got trapped in wiki-hell. I am still in wiki-hell, but perhaps not the lowest circle. More around abouts the middle right now I think. ^*1*

Selamat Datang, dear readers.

That’s welcome/greetings in Malaysian, if you are curious. Why, you ask, am I suddenly greeting you in Malaysian? Well, the reasoning is this: this evening, after dinner, I helped Curly Durly to clear up, then went up to my room to tidy a few things up, mainly my bookshelves, which were in an awful state after four years of me carting books to and fro from various parts of the UK. During the process I came across a couple of old diaries, one of which I wrote whilst I was in Borneo for a month back in 2000. Lots of happy memories were reawakened (though I was also appalled at how immature I sounded then, and have resolved to burn it. Or, at least, force a promise from parents etc that no one EVER sees it in the event that I die a great author/superstar/famous in any way!) These memories included the Gay Praying Mantis, Hippo Porn, singing ‘Eternal Flame’ at the top of our lungs in the middle of the rainforest at night, and our guide Alvin teaching us a few words in the local dialect, including Selamat Datang. Thought I would share.

I will also share this – if you are looking forward to a nice evening, do not succumb to curiosity and read the two diaries written during possibly the worst year of your life, including (but not limited to) three separate breakups, clinical depression, infertility, and the serious illness of a beloved parent. No, I have no idea why I decided to read over them either, but I did. There were some good memories in there, including the first time I heard Jas’ voice, but unfortunately the bad massively outweighed the good. I’d say burn those diaries as well, but they are worth keeping if only to remind myself how bad it can get if you don’t ask for help. There were glimpses of good writing on my part (I’d forgotten that my two best stories were written during that period), the odd elegant turn of phrase I wouldn’t mind using again, a few nice reactions and descriptions, and it was interesting to see how my style changed over the year. (My current blogging style owes a lot to those diaries, though I am not sure if that is a good thing or not!) Mainly, though, I am glad I read them because it is clear how much I’ve changed inside my head since then, mainly for the better, I think.

Just, I wouldn’t recommend that you do similar if you were looking for a nice read! Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to drown my sorrows in a cup of assam tea, read some of The Kraken Wakes, and try to remember why I intensely dislike the three afore mentioned ex’s. Yes, for that is the other problem when reading old diaries: they rather distressingly list the points that you found endearing about people, before you got annoyed with them.
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Later the following day
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I spent the entire train journey back thinking about the romance of train travel. Odd, but true. The journey down was actually rather fun – I got chatted up by the cutest bit of jailbait I’ve seen in a while. The poor boys face when he found out I was a post-grad was rather funny though, and understandable seeing as how he’d only had his 18th birthday the week before. The curse of looking a fair bit younger than I really am. I am sure in a few years time I will be grateful, but right now it is a bit of pain, with the only visible results being ID’d for everything, and getting chatted up by people who aren’t old enough to drink in large portions of the world, let alone who weren’t old enough to vote in the last election. The journey back up was not so fun. 1) No cute people to even look at, let alone chat me up. 2) It was raining. Lots. By the time I got home I was doing a rather good impression of a drowned rat. 3) My trains were late. Every single one. And manky. And staffed by very grumpy people. Grrr.

On to other happier stuff now:

I found the mock M:tG card that Kerrick made me on my pin-board back in my room at the Homestead, and it brought back a welter of very happy (and some sad) memories. If you would bare with me one moment, I would like to raise a virtual glass to Terisia, the Castle of Fun, Garic’s City, and the entire WotC community. I had a lot of fun with you guys 🙂 (Click the picture to view the text. That’s me, one eyed barmaid par excellence. I was even the mayor for a little while. Tiana never did get around to making me my sparkly tiara. That makes me sad 🙁 )