Cas is currently

Why do we do it to ourselves?

Day after day we spend time that we really should spend on other activities, crafting witty and clever posts, hitting ‘publish’, sitting back, and waiting for comments, adoration, and respect that rarely (if ever) comes.

I’ve talked about this before, as have many many other people, and nothing much has changed since I wrote that. The ‘why do you blog’ meme might just be one of the most pervasive on the Web.

So why do I mention it again? I guess I’m just in a place in my head right now where I am overanalyzing everything I do.

I was never picked first for the sports teams at school. I was never in the ‘cool group’, nor was I even worthy of being a hanger-on to the fringes of the ‘cool group’. I was, and still am, quite firmly a geek. Yes, I was a band-geek, a science-geek, a computer-geek. You name an un-cool group, I belonged to it. I like to think I excelled at making myself as unpopular as possible: I was captain of the archery team at both school and university; I was in first oboe in one band, first sax in another, and band-leader in a third; I was on the school debate team; and I did all three sciences at college. Oh, and let’s not forget I am doing a computing post-grad.

I’ve never been one of those people with five hundred ‘great friends’ – I am happier, it must be told, with just four or five people who I know I can trust and who love me despite of my oddness. Once people get to know me, it seems they think I am the best thing since bread came sliced ^*1*, but very few people take the trouble.

So what little kink in my system makes me want tens or hundreds of readers of my blog? Why do I get this little tingle of anticipation every-time I check my visitor stats, or the comments feed, hoping against hope that something happened over night and suddenly I am a ‘success’? I know it’s not going to happen. I’m just not the sort of girl who gets invited to the ball. Even Technorati seems to think my tags and posts aren’t worthy. And why, oh why did I just succumb to vanity and submit Bright Meadow to the network I’ve wanted to join since I discovered it?

*shakes head in despair*

I really only have myself to blame.