well my days of taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle

Well, the blog has definitely come of age now. If you will all cast your attention here to the comments at the end of the I Have Breasts post, you will find a comment that is not the most complimentary I have ever received.

Now, before we go any further, I have no problem with non-complimentary comments. I believe that frank and open discussion is good and that there should be more of it. Nor am I naive enough to think that everyone out there is going to agree with everything I say. So, I would like to invite Mr Anonymous (for some reason I am getting a male vibe off the post) to come back and discuss what about my post offended him (or her, it could be a her) so much. Or, failing that, to email me so that we can discuss the issues he (or, again, she) had with the post.

For future reference though, any dear dissenters out there who might be wanting to follow in dear Anonymous’ footsteps, I am more inclined to take you seriously if you own your comments. Hiding behind the illusory anonymity of the net does seem a little cowardly.

And now, let’s discuss the issues this comment raised in a bit more depth. I feel we, as decent net-citizens, owe it to Anonymous to play nicely in our little sandbox and not to throw the toys out of the pram too often.

Firstly, there is nothing quite like a little flame to really make your day start with a bang. I had had a hunch that today was going to be a good day – I got woken up at just before 9 this morning by a loud German (Sebastian has friends over from back home). This is ok. I had things I needed to get done today and they weren’t going to get done sleeping. Then I needed the bathroom, so opened my door, to find myself staring a tall blond rather cute German in the face. Again, not a bad way to start the morning. Mildly embarrassing on my part seeing as how I was still in PJs with bed-hair, but there are worse sights that could have greeted me. Then I turn on the computer and find a not-so-nice comment on the blog. Whilst not causing me to burst into tears of pain and rejection, it was still a dose of reality I could have done without at 9 in the morning, on my day off, unfortified by a cup of tea. Then again, it did give me something to talk to Moose about on the bus into town, so, all to the good 🙂

Now we get to the text of the comment. Perhaps I should have explained myself better. I was not intending to be mean about Ms. Dunst. I believe she is a wonderful actress and really rather pretty, but by no stretch of the imagination could she be considered large-breasted. This is what happens when you break a personal rule of never commenting on how people look – even when you only mean it as a throw-away comment some people take it the wrong way. My bad. Nor, for that matter, were the size of Ms Dunst’s breasts actually the topic of the post. I was talking about my breasts and the many trials and tribulations that ensue when you have, as the Irish Lass elegantly put it over lunch yesterday, curves. Either way, I am sorry to any Kirtsen Dunst fans out there who were offended by what I had to say on the matter.

It was the end part of Anonymous’ comment that really confused me though. I am not sure of the relationship between my fitness levels and the size of Ms. Dunst’s breasts. Let us put aside for now the fact that I go to the gym at least three times a week (Moose has this look she gives me when I don’t go that just guilts the crap out of me), make a point of walking at least 30 minutes on the days I don’t go to the gym, and am (if not in tip-top condition), not so unfit that I get out of breath walking to the fridge and back. Let us also put aside for now the fact that, if I spent any less time on the computer, I think the godhead would be after me with sharp pointy objects and any chance of me actually getting a post-graduate qualification would go from ‘fairly high’ straight to ‘none’, bypassing ‘slim’ on the way down.

Seriously, is there some scientific study out there that proves conclusively that the size of Ms. Dunst’s bust is directly correlated to my exercise regime (or mooted lack thereof)? I mean, if there was, you’d think that her agent or someone on her staff would have got in touch to coordinate our schedules. I mean, there should have been at least the odd phone-call saying “Kirsten’s got a premiere in a couple of weeks, so could you see your way to fitting in a few K’s on the cross-trainer this week?” There have, so far, been no such calls. Also, I am not sure what Anonymous means. Does he mean if I exercise more her bust will increase, or it will decrease? And which is the more favorable outcome as far as he (and any other fans of Ms. Dunst out there who might be reading this) is concerned?

Still on things that my brain started thinking about after that comment:
I found a wonderful way of increasing the readership of Bright Meadow over night, and it is this – tag a post in Technorati with the tag ‘breasts’. I just looked over my stats. It is reassuring somehow to learn that the mindset of the average internet user has not changed much over the years. They are still like Prince George in Blackadder the Third when he uses the first ever dictionary to look up dirty words. (The episode I am talking about is “Ink and Incapability” if you are curious). I wouldn’t recommend that you did this trick with any regularity, because then people would probably start to think you were something to do with the adult entertainment industry, but once or twice sure gives the page-hit a nice boost. And yes, it looks like dear Anonymous arrived at the blog via a search for ‘breasts’. Certainly no one has come in via a link on ‘Kirsten Dunst’ or ‘Elizabethtown’ which were the other tags I used on that post. For some reason I have had one user who has repeatedly come to the site via a search for ‘Jeff’. Odd, but true.

One of the things that I had to do today (and got done because a loud German woke me up) was braving M&S and getting some new bras. I tried on what felt like a gazillion of the fricking things (seven) and actually found two pairs that fitted, that I liked, and (more importantly) that (if I don’t eat for the next week or so) I could afford. Perhaps M&S heard my comments the other day about how they’ve mucked about with the sizing, but this time around I actually was the size I thought I was, which was something. Then I get the only male assistant on the checkouts. I couldn’t help it – the part of my brain that resides quite happily in the gutter flashed the thought in my mind how it was a pity the first bloke in a while to manhandle my underwear wasn’t cuter. I know, I know! I am a bad Cas. I should wash my mouth out with soap and water.

And, as I have probably offended a whole heap more people with that post, I am going to stop now. We’re all going out again tonight (I just purchased the CUTEST bag) so don’t be surprised if there is a drunken post at about 3 am tomorrow. You have been warned.

Also, just want to check, the rest of you understand the tone of this blog is irreverant and sarcastic for sure, but loving irreverant and sarcastic, right? I don’t come across as some mean psycho bitch from hell or anything? Cos I used to live with one of them, and they’re no fun 🙁

yes, sir, captain tight pants

Cas is currently

Yes, it’s time to dish up the Sunday Roast again. As always, the full menu can be found here, under the del.icio.us tag ‘sundayroast’ and here, under the del.icio.us tag ‘leftovers’.

E-mail time capsule. Email yourself in 1/3/5/10/20 years time. I like the idea of this, and am composing the email on and off as we speak. I am at a slightly odd point in my life, with possibilities – both personal and occupational – leading off in all manner of different directions. I like the idea of getting an email in a year or so’s time (when hopefully all it becoming clearer) just to see how far I have (or haven’t) come.

IE Tab extension for FireFox. Great for when you want to view film times at the local Odeon without starting up IE just for that. Not used it personally (me and FF are currently not seeing eye to eye), but the buzz about this is great.

Penguin Podcast. No, despite my all-consuming obsession about penguins, this is nothing to do with the cute (but evil) flightless birds. Rather, this is Penguin-as-Publisher. Also a favourite of mine (and also, on occasion I am sure, evil), the publisher is introducing a fortnightly pod-cast containing interviews with authors, excerpts from books, exclusives, news, and who knows what other treats. I haven’t had a moment to listen to the first one yet, but I am sure this is something to keep your eye on. Way to go embracing the modern world Penguin!

Paul Davidson on the Danger of Escalators. Just LOL. That’s it. LOL.

Ex LIbris Anonymous. Beautiful journals bound in old book covers. A great gift idea (it’s coming up to the Holidays, and I am always on the look out for something a bit different to give as a present).

Portraits of Mexico’s Lucha Libre wrestlers . Sadly, no El Santo, but still great 😀

Pengor: Penguin of Doom. Oh. My. God. Haven’t I been telling y’all for the past year how evil penguins are? Here’s proof that I am not alone in thinking this. Sadly, this site has no RSS feed, and as it is very irregularly updated, I am not sure if this is going to prove a keeper. But doesn’t it just make you love the internet?

Ten Simple Rules for Dating a Blogger. *Has a secret snigger* Ok, so I’d like to think I’m not this bad, but there’s more than enough grains of truth in this article to make me wonder at mine (and the CC’s) sanity. I mean, who would (1) be a blogger and (2) date a blogger?

Joi Ito’s Web: Blogging style. Some good tips we could all do with taking to heart.

Creative Marketing Destruction: Add Water and Blog

Carbon Footprint Calculator . What’s your carbon footprint? (How eco-friendly are you basically). This is a wildly inaccurate tool, but it gives a basic idea. Here at Meadow Towers, we have a footprint of around 2 tonnes of carbon. The UK average is 10 tonnes, so we’re not doing too badly. And there isn’t much we can do to improve it either, apart from installing energy efficient lightbulbs, because the rest is things like installing better boilers and solar power etc, all of which we can’t do in a rented property for obvious reasons.

squidfingers.com. A great resource for dhtml codes, javascript, patterns, and a whole host of more free stuff for elegant webdesign.

Panda Cam. If you’re a Mac user, you definitely have to check out San Diego’s Panda Cam widget. Let’s face it, unless you are a robot, the sight of a small fuzzy baby panda will melt your heart. However, if Pandas aren’t your thing you can also watch polar bears, elephants and apes on the cam via the same widget. It’s like having a zoo on your desktop – minus the poop. I really need to get around to installing that OS upgrade I got for my birthday two months back…

BBC NEWS | Education | Girls ‘put off technology jobs’. Sad, but true. From a personal standpoint, whilst no one has stood in my way of trying to get a tech-career, no one has pushed one on me either. I have never been given information on the subject and I know for sure I am missing out on opportunities because I just don’t know where to look. No idea how to rectify the situation though.

What’s in your folder of shame? We all have one. I just opened up my ‘blog text’ folder, and found a fair few including what led to this post. So now you know who to blame for that monstrosity!

The Dilbert Blog. Love the cartoons. Love the blog.

Highlander in 30 seconds with bunnies. Yes, Highlander the film (the one with Christopher Lambet) re-enacted in 30 seconds with bunnies. One of the things that made me smile most this week.

Google Job Opportunities. No, I am not going mad. Please, trust me, and follow the link. I won’t spoil the surprise by telling you why a link to job openings at Google had me choking on my Assam, but it did.

Mini Star Book Ornamnet. So pretty! I think I might have to make me some of these for Egor.

That’s it for this weeks’ Roast. I’m being glowered at by the CC. He has this spidy sense that kicks and alerts him when I’m writing for the blog instead of the thesis. Only one week to go on that (hopefully!) and then I will have no excuse not to do all the fun things I have planned for Bright Meadow (starting with a proper hosted domain and WordPress…)

Toodles,

Housekeeping

Cas is currently

The observant among you might have noticed a few changes around the place, and these include:

  • New picture of yours truly wearing a silly hat.
  • Tweaked the sidebar.
  • Changed the text of the About Bright Meadow section some.
  • Tweaked the text of the Cast & Crew section a little bit.
  • Made the ‘Top Posts’ more prominent. As yet this is purely based on the posts I think worthy, but if you can think of others that deserve such notice, do tell.
  • Included a “Latest Research Links (from del.icio.us)” section in the sidebar. These are sites/bits I’ve found which are more serious and related to my research than your average Sunday Roast link.
  • The latest adventures of Lara Croak, Frog Racer

I inform you of these changes for no reason other than I just like to do stuff like that. *said in the creepy voice of the bad dude from The Warriors*

I made the changes as part of my ongoing quest to get a more elegant and successful blog design. I am starting to knock up against the limitations of blogger. To be honest, I’ve been unhappy with the service for a while now, having to fudge solutions to problems such as top posts, and just giving up on categories, let alone trackbacks and the like. I’m this close (holds fingers close together) to moving to another platform. Any one got any recommendations? And a reliable host would be nice too.

to link, or not to link – On the mechanics and ethics of linking

Cas is currently

The following is a really rather long post. It has been sitting in my folder of shame for several months now and, whilst I have been working on it on and off all that time, I never really gave it the time it deserved. Today I polished it up and decided to present it to you. Why is it I can write near 3000 words for my blog in an hour, yet can’t do the same for my thesis? Anyway, enjoy, or not. I’m just talking to the dog here.

I once again find myself musing on the vagaries of the information age whilst riding on a relic of in the Victorian era (train) using a technology thousands of years old (pen and paper). For a while I have been thinking on and off about linking, both the mechanics and ethics of. I have talked a bit about this before, or at least pointed you in the direction of people who have been making sense on the topic lately, but I’ve never directly talked about my own views on whether/when you should link in the first place.

Regular Bright Meadow readers will be familiar with my Sunday Roasts – roundups of stories from that week. The majority of these posts comprise links to news-stories and cartoons, though a goodly proportion are to other blogs. Mainly these are to posts containing funnies, but with some regularity I link to posts containing peoples thoughts and opinions.

The fuss being, I hear you ask? Surely one of the beauties of the web is that all information is only a hypertexted click away? And it is. But a vast quantity of things stem from the difference between what a hyperlink actually is and what it is perceived as being.

A hyperlink, at it’s simplest, is a connection forged between one point in your hypertext document and another point somewhere on a vast connected network of computers and servers known colloquially as ‘the Internet’, or the ‘Web’. Despite the imposed functionality of the ‘back’ button and ‘history’ functions of browsers, hyperlinks are one way. Nor do hyperlinks have meaning built into them. They simply are. Any semantic meaning is imposed on the link afterward by the manual addition of some form of clarification (most often text).

Again, all happy and shiny.

It is a given that you should always credit where you get your ideas from. In the academic world you reference pretty much everything, and there are strict conventions on how you reference, be it from books, the internet, newspapers, archives, even personal conversations. It is imperative that, if you have used or mentioned another person’s ideas, you give your reader the means to track down that idea or result, to see it in its original context, so they can make up their own minds about whether you are drawing valid conclusions. This is a part of scholarship, I am more than OK with this, and frequently find myself champing at the bit when some journalist/blogger/author has quoted someone as saying something (or made a statement as fact), and hasn’t provided me with the means to check up on them. Hyperlinks provide a handy and fairly elegant way of doing this, either with internal links to a bibliography and reference list, or external links direct to the given source.

Yep. Got that.
Simple, even, you might say. Linking is good, that’s that, and this is going to be a short post.

Alas, no. Whilst the ethics and mechanics of academic linking are pretty much solidified into convention (which is often more binding than law), how to link on the Internet, and within the blogosphere (*chokes on the word*), is still being worked out. It is wonderful, and exhilarating to be writing the rules as we go, but it can lead to a whole host of unexpected complications.

The ‘problems’ start when pages, sites, and blogs (for example) are ranked in search engines and ‘Top Ten’ lists by computer algorithms that look at all the in-links into a document. The theory being the more in-links a document has, the more authoritative or popular the source must be, so the higher it appears in the search results listing (or on the Top Ten). The higher something is, the more often it gets linked to, the higher it appears in the rankings and so on till we all get dizzy. Computer algorithms, no matter how cleverly written, still just see a link, not any attached qualification as to whether it is positive, negative, or just plain indifferent. When you link to something you confer, without really thinking about it, a measure of approval. Even if you qualify your link with “I really, really don’t agree with what this person says”, you are still providing them with an in-link so making them seem (in many ranking mechanisms) more authoritative than perhaps they deserve to be.

(Now see if you understand the prevalance of ‘link-spamming’ in the comments fields of blogs. Caught on yet? … Good. Clever boy.)

9 times out of the 10, this is not a problem at all. We link to things that we think deserve to be shared, or agree with, or think explain a point better than we ever could. It stands to reason that such sites deserve to climb higher in the rankings of, for example, Google or Technorati. But then, how do you deal with sites you disagree with so strongly that you want to share your displeasure with your fellow readers? A “Warning, Here Be Dragons” kind of link. “Read At Your Peril”, if you will? You want to share the link to save those you care for stumbling across it by accident – in much the same way I tell pretty much everyone I meet that The Da Vinci Code is a shockingly badly written book that I wouldn’t recommend as toilet paper, to save them the pain of reading it. But, if your blog is popular, and people link to it, then slowly but surely this evil link you think is a pimple on the face of the Internet will rise in the rankings, till lo! It is high on the hit parade.

So that is an extreme example, but it could happen. Rather than napalming this site off the surface of the Web (denying it readers) you have conversely exploded its traffic beyond its creators wildest dreams.

Bummer.

There’s not much you can do about this, apart from not linking to sites you don’t like. A few clever people have been attempting to come up with alternative ranking systems, and ways of conveying inherent meaning with a link, and in a year or so I wouldn’t be surprised if everything was different, but for now, we’ll all just have to deal. From a personal blogging standpoint, the knowledge of this has skewed my linking style somewhat. I no longer (or very rarely) link to a post I disagree with. If I find myself linking to such a site, I try and link at least once to a site with a diametrically opposed viewpoint to balance everything out.

Now we’ve got our heads more or less around the idea that linking can have outcomes we never anticipated (or wanted), I would like to introduce the thought that perhaps there are times we shouldn’t link. Yes, you heard me. There are times when it might not be appropriate to link. For this one I am going to be focusing more on the special case of blogs, but the general idea holds true for pretty much everything on the web.

Take a moment and think on what blogs are. Blogs are a special case in internet publishing in that they can be incredibly personal, often containing intensely held personal beliefs and opinions. Therefore, when you link to them, you are holding up a flashing neon sign saying “Look at this! Look at this!”, and some people might not want their personal diaries gawped at by all you voyeurs out there. You could argue that, by publishing these opinions on the internet, the author is begging for it, but that argument gets you perilously close to JB’s ongoing observations that, in Japan, apparently girls who wear short skirts are just asking to be raped.

Yes, I agree that by putting my opinions out there on the great wide Internet I am saying “this is what I believe, this is what I hold to be true, these are my views” and giving my implicit permission to anyone and everyone who cares to, to do what they want with those views (so long as they credit me). And who can deny the pleasure and mini-(sometimes midi- or even maxi-) ego boost you get when someone links back to our carefully crafted words and says “I like this, this makes sense, you are a clever and wonderful person”. Sadly, the flip side of this is that for every nice thing said out there, there seems to be another ten nasty things being said.

Of the many instances I am aware of where in-links have not been as welcome by the linkee as the linker might have hoped, one springs to mind. One of the many blogs I have stumbled across over the past year is the blog of the divine Profgrrrrl, an academic blogger whose take on life I always enjoy (though I have yet to comment and tell her so. Yes, once again, do as I say not do as I do). Somehow or other she discovered that she had been linked to in a Wikipedia article that discussed the mini-phenomena of academic blogs. That is, blogs written by people in academia, but who only tangentially talk about their research, focusing more instead on their daily trials and tribulations. She wasn’t overly enthused that she had been linked to (without her permission) from such a visible source as Wikipedia. This I can sort of understand. Whilst we all want readers, I guess being linked to from Wikipedia is a bit like jumping up and down on the roof of your local department store in your underpants screaming “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!!!!!” Sure, your readership will go through the roof, but a fair number of them might be the unsavoury nutjobs who would spoil the ‘friend-circle’ atmosphere of most personal blogs. Thanks to the beauty of wikis (ah, the blessed wiki) she (or someone else, I can’t tell, damn culture of anonymity and never signing edits!) quickly edited the article so that another academic blogger was linked to as an exemplar. (What this other person had to say on the matter of being linked to I can’t say.)

My point being, you may think that giving a link is a lovely gift (unless your aim is to be mean, and then shame on you), but the recipient of your link might not feel the same way. We do have a habit of getting disproportionately attached to our little domains on the web, and I can think of people who I wouldn’t want to link to me. It is rather silly thinking that I can vet who has access to my blog, but I still find myself relying on this illusory sense of control to ausage my occasional jitters at how much of my daily life I find myself talking about on the web.

So, when should we link? Should we even be linking at all? That second is a silly question – of course we should link. I think you would be hard pushed to find more than a handful of oddballs who support the position that every web-document should be an island. Linking together is part of what makes us a community and, just in case you’ve been asleep whilst reading my posts this past year, I think community is great.

Personally I’ve started to practice what I like to think of as ‘Karmic Blogging’. Blog unto others as you would be blogged to yourself. If I can’t think of something nice to say, then I try to say nothing at all. If I can’t find a happy link, then I don’t link. *1*

When I do link, I make sure (to the best of my ability) that I link to the primary source, rather than a secondary summation of that source. If I was wearing my academic hat here, I would try to link to the original article/report/document, rather than some fellow academics spin on that article/report/document. If, for whatever reason, I do link to a secondary source (normally because they’ve added commentary I think is pertinent), then I try to make sure that the primary is still accessible, either through their post or through mine. Over time you come to find secondary sources who you trust and link to them more often. There’s no sure fire way to find out who these people are – you just have to discover them for yourself. If a blog is part of a network (9rules is one that springs to mind *2*), you can be a bit more assured that the content you find there is trustworthy, but that is still not a hard and fast rule. Use the brains you were graced with, with a healthy dose of skepticism to help it all down.

Addressing the issue of whether people want to be linked to, just use common sense. Whilst you can’t assume totally that, because they are on the internet they want to be linked to, the balance is probably leaning toward the “I want readers!” camp. If you think it’s appropriate, provide a link, but be prepared to take down the link if you are asked. Asking before you link is just not practical, nor necessary for the average post. If you are linking to something incredibly personal, maybe take a moment to think, and if in doubt either ask, or refrain.

While the above holds true for personal blogs, if you are linking to someone with the mind that you are publishing for a wider audience, say in a newspaper article, it is common courtesy to inform people that they are being quoted. A little while back, the really rather lovely Danah talked about blogs and the mainstream media. Not only is the post partly responsible for setting me off thinking about linking again (and so could be considered part-parent to this mutant of a post), but as she says, it raises another question. How long are we to be held to task for our views? I am on the fence on this one. There are times that it is useful to see how one persons ideas have evolved. At the same time, I can think of instances when it is better just to let the past lie beaten in the dust. I would be mortified, and I know many fellow academics would also, if, for example, someone turned round and started quoting my undergraduate dissertation at me as an example of what I believe now. Yes, it reflects the opinions I held at the time I wrote it, but they are not the same opinions I hold today, and who knows what I will think in the future? Again, there is no hard and fast rule on how you should quote somebody’s work, but if it is over a year old, please consider that they may have changed their mind by now and quote accordingly. “Cas thought…” rather than “Cas thinks…” Easy.

Oh, and don’t misquote me. I will find out, hunt you down, and beat you with sticks of celery. Not fatal, I know, just unpleasant for you and therapeutic for me.

Do, please, always try and include a short intro/description/pointer with the link. Something might not offend you, but there are some rather sensitive bunnies out there, and it’s only fair that you give people the chance NOT to click on something that might be offensive to them. Also flag up items that might require you to subscribe to a site to view them (certain newspapers, journals etc). If you can find an alternate (totally free and open) source, that would be even better.

And bear in mind the slightly dubious legal ground bloggers stand on with regard hyperlinking to illegal content. But that’s not a worry for us, is it, because we are all good little boys and girls. Aren’t we?

There endeth todays lesson on the ethics and practicalities of linking.

Now, because all of the above is just my opinion, feel free to disagree with me. That’s why I have a comments field after all.

Endnotes:
*1*This is a guideline not a rule. Sometimes I just can’t help myself. Yes, I know, I’m a bad Buddhist. I kill bugs and eat meat as well.
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*2*One other network that will hopefully prove to be successful is the Wikablog. Still in its infancy (it’s barely even crawling yet), I think it is a brilliant idea. A community of like(ish)-minded bloggers coming together and saying “This is my blog, and these are the blogs I like, and these are the reasons why”. Though this does slightly fall foul of the whole linking to people without their permission issue, I think that the benefits might outweigh the drawbacks. We’ll wait and see. If there’s one thing I have learnt over this past year it is that you can never, ever, ever predict how a community will act, let alone whether you wiki will (a) be a success or (b) turn out how you wanted it to.
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are we having fun yet?

Cas is currently

That last post was a little over long. Sorry. Just something I wanted to get off my chest.

I am aware that, at nearly 3000 words, it stretches what you would want to read on a blog to breaking point and, most likely, beyond. Whilst I think it is worth it (I wouldn’t have posted it other wise), I will totally understand if you just let it sail blythely on by.

I will now leave you to read it (or not, no pressure, up to you), whilst I go and write 5000 words on what you need to take into consideration when you try and implement a wiki for a couple of thousand archaeologists to use. Here’s a tip – don’t do it. It might seem like a good idea, but trust me, it’s not worth. Really, really not worth it.

i felt like poisoning a monk

Cas is currently

You do become something of a connoisseur of hold music, voice-recognition systems, and call centers in general when you move into a new property. Over the last two and a half months, (I am including the house-hunting time as well), I have been put on hold more times, and dealt with more voice recognition systems, than I can shake a moderately sized stick at.

Moose has managed to get out of having to do most of these calls. That’s the price you pay for being home during the day and not having a full time job. I’m also willing to get pissy on the phone, and refuse to be fobbed off, which makes me the best person to deal with the sundry calls that need to be dealt with. Gas companies, electricity companies, water companies, letting agencies, television companies, insurance companies… the list seems endless, and with each call my respect for the brain power of the average call-centre worker diminishes. Another few calls like the ones I’ve had to deal with over the last couple of days and you’ll need an electron microscope to see the level of respect I no longer have. I am friends with people who have worked/still work in call centers and they are very nice and intelligent people. I have, once or twice, had the pleasure of dealing with ‘a customer service representative’ who clearly has more than two brain cells to rub together.

Just, on the whole, I rarely seem to get to speak to these people. I get the people with speech impediments, the people who mumble, the people who talk too fast. I have some minor hearing problems and having to repeatedly ask someone to repeat themselves is just infuriating for the both of us. I get the people who clearly have trouble with the concept “one plus one equals two”. I’m not saying I want to speak to someone who is a nuclear physicist in their spare time (they’d make awful call-center people anyway), but it would be nice if the person on the other end of the phone was capable of a basic level of coherent thought.

I have a personal rule to always (at least attempt to) be nice to call center staff. They have the power to make you very happy (or very very unhappy). When TNT managed to loose the laptop I’d ordered from Apple and I was trying to sort it all out, by the time it was over I was on first name terms with the girl from Apple. She was wonderful and helpful and did an amazing job, and I emailed the customer service people to tell them so. Yes, comments shouldn’t always be for the bad stuff. Good service deserves recognition too. Just, you so rarely come across good service.

I doubt, as a career, few people go to their guidance councilor and say “I want to work in a call centre”. But people do end up doing the job and they should do the best they can at it. Grrr.

(Rant almost over.)

I don’t think I am calm enough yet to go into the horrors that is National Grid-Transco’s voice-recognition system. Let me just say “ARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” and leave it at that.

Please, please, please, if your company has a voice recognition system, or any other form of gate-keeper system, can you give it an escape hatch? The words “or press 3 to speak to a customer service representative” are some of the sweetest ten words in the English language. And if your gate-keeper has more than, say, three levels, please redesign it. Press one for this, then two for this, then one for this, then four for this, then… then it’s Ms Hyde the poor call-center innocent has to deal with. Oh, and a voice recognition system should be able to store the information I tell it (address, name, problem etc) so that, when I finally DO get to speak to a human being, they can see what I’ve already spent ten minutes saying to a machine, and not make me say it all over again.

Humph. There endeth today’s rant.

A few companies that stick in my mind:
British Gas’ hold music, and gate-keeper system are not too infuriating. So prolonged exposure to the musak made my brain want to bleed out of my ears, but that’s standard across the board. The three people I ended up speaking to this week all seemed on the ball and did a pretty good job.

National Grid/Transco, on the other hand, made me burst into tears once I’d finished speaking to them. Ok, they’re not totally to blame, but they didn’t help. Their voice recognition gate-keeper is one of the worst I have ever had the misfortune to deal with. It didn’t understand my accent, and I have a pretty vanilla basic British accent with little regionality to it. It didn’t save my responses so I had to repeat EVERYTHING to the human being I finally spoke to. And it had no escape hatch so, when I had to keep calling them back, I had to go through the ENTIRE rigmarole another two times. Not only annoying, but expensive, seeing as how it was my phone bill. The first two people I spoke to weren’t too hot, but the third today was ok.

Apple Customer Service. When you finally get through to them your will to live hasn’t been too sapped by their hold music (unless you ring over the holidays – there’s only so many times you can here ‘Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’ before you are ready to commit homicide). The staff know what they’re talking about, are helpful, and (most importantly) have individual lines that they are WILLING to give out to people with more indepth problems, so you can be sure you speak to the same person when you ring back. This, trust me, saves a whole lot of hassle.

TNT. I won’t go into detail about TNT. Just trust me when I say their customer service is appalling, their staff must be sourced from another planet for all the sense they make, and they have a distressing habit of ‘misplacing’ expensive items of equipment. The last three things I have had carried by TNT have all gone astray at least twice.

Ok, normal service resumed. Cas has successfully vented her frustration and is, whilst still a bit down, no longer so pissed off she wants to rend fluffy bunnie-wunnies limb from limb.

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i was going to capture a geisha but they’re damn nippy buggers

Cas is currently

Have you ever had to sum up what you feel your greatest achievement has been? In 200 words? That isn’t your degree? If you have, then you might have some comprehension of why I used todays smilie. If you haven’t, then you are very lucky.

Why can’t I talk about my degree? Well, because the chappy from the recruitment bureau told me I was not to. The job I am applying for (which will never come off, so this is the last I will be mentioning it) is a graduate postion, hence everyone applying will be a graduate, so your degree doesn’t really set you apart. That makes a kind of sense.

At the same time, my degrees (undergrad and the current post-grad) are the two things I am most proud of in my life. Finishing Liverpool was no picnic, what with one thing and the other, and the day I graduated was by far the greatest moment of my life bar none. There were times I really didn’t think I would make it, so to be up on that stage, shaking the hand of a man I had never met before, whilst wearing a silly hat and a gown that made me look like a dumpy-arsed penguin, was something special to me. As for this year? Again, not exactly a cake-walk, though for different reasons.

I want to be able to say that the thesis I am currently writing is my greatest achievement (because I truly believe that it is), but I am not allowed to. What else can I talk about? That I was head of machine sales at Whittard of Chelsea is hardly going to cut it. I also don’t think talking about this blog thingy I started back in April that has gained me a few new random internet acquaintances is quite what they are looking for. (Though I am proud of both those things too).

So, in order to give me a few ideas, I need you, my wonderful blog minions, to tell me what your greatest achievement has been.

Whilst you are thinking of that, have some pictures I found lurking on the mobile (click for bigger peeps).

The quilt I made for Brother Dearest and his SO for their joint birthdays.
quilt - click to see bigger on Flickr

How many post-grads does it take to program a phone? And I still can’t work the damn thing!
Moose & Cas & the Phone - click to see bigger on Flickr