Time to move on please

So I’ve got one ex definitely out of my brain – woot. It’s about as confirmed as it can be: Mr T no longer floats my boat in that way. As I said, woot. Now if only that meant I’d also worked the other “tall, ginger(ish), good collar bones, climber” out of my system…

Hand on my heart, if the CC asked me back today I would say ‘No’. Not that he’s going to ask me back, but you get where I’m going here. I’m logically over him and probably about 85% emotionally over him as well. But that leaves a treacherous 15% of gooey, icky, soppy heart that’s whimpering in the corner, remembering the good times. Damn it. I blame Valentine’s Day.

It used to be I didn’t get many daily reminders. There’s something to be said for your ex winding up on another continent as you can be pretty certain you’re not going to run into them down the supermarket whilst you’re looking particularly fetching in your tracksuit. I finally got rid of the football he’d left kicking round the flat at Christmas (figured Moose’s nephews might get more use out of it than me). Somehow his favourite glass has managed to survive fifteen months in the Meadow Towers kitchen which is a miracle considering my clutzy nature, but when (note the when, not the if) it does break I won’t be devastated. I can even wear the earrings now without immediately feeling conscious they were a gift.

But… I’m not as there as I figured I was. I was trawling through my hard drive looking for a particular picture last night and I stumbled across a batch of photos I’d forgotten about. The little lurch in the pit of stomach was a good indicator all was not hunky-dory in Cas’ head.

Why, when I’d convinced everyone including myself that I was like, so TOTALLY over him, do I now realise I was perhaps protesting a bit too much?

Because Facebook friends collided, as they are wont to do, and suddenly there’s the CC’s profile, in all it’s cute, Canadian glory, connected to my profile. I deleted his blog from my rss reader a while back because I’m really not up for that whole masochistic “does he still think of me, will he write about me, I hope his life is miserable” gig. I didn’t delete it straight away because I didn’t want to seem petty but then one particular post got written and I decided I wasn’t over him enough to want to read about his new partner. There are more enjoyable ways I want to spend my free time – college work, cleaning the bathroom, having my left leg amputated. And I never signed into IM programs so I never saw him online either.

Of course, I’m now signing into IM programs a lot more so, not only is he there in my Facebook list, he’s also there on my buddy list. Silent. Not plinking me. Why?! Yes, I’m not plinking him either, but… He ended it with me. Does online etiquette mean he has to plink me first, or I have to plink him, or is the accepted thing for both of us to sit there on our respective sides of the Atlantic, studiously ignoring each other?

Why should I care? Why do I feel it’s like the elephant in the room when I talk to mutual friends now? Why, when I am actually at a point where I am moving on, does my heart just want to look back?

And more importantly, what can I do about it? They say time heals all wounds and recent experience running into Mr T. has proven this to be true, but I’m not sure I want to wait three years! Plus, if time to get over is related to seriousness of the given relationship, then I’m doomed to be single and hung-up till *does some rapid calculations on the handy Dashboard calculator widget* 2010 at least. Let’s say 2015 to be on the safe side.

That’s really not a viable solution. I should just bite the bullet and plink him, right? Be all cool, calm and confident? Oh, that won’t work, because the blithe confidence thing was part of what attracted him in the first place. I guess I could just hope he still reads Bright Meadow and realises that, appearances to the contrary I’m really still a ditzy bundle of neurotic insecurities. But then, that was partly what kept him hanging round so long…

I’m doomed. I wish I wasn’t, but I am. And you’d hope I’d learnt my lesson, but I really haven’t. What *is* it that I find so bloody fascinating about rangy ginger guys? Seriously, it’s like a disease or something 😕

11 thoughts on “Time to move on please

  1. One thing I’m not getting is, if you two aren’t speaking anymore (which, judging by your mental struggles in regards to plinking, is correct), why have him on your IM list? I’ve had internet friends in the past who I’ve fallen out with, and ultimately, we simply removed each other from our respective buddy lists. If it’s gone, it’s gone; no point having a name around staring at you, reminding ya’ of the fact. But, that’s just me. 🙂 If you think you two could still be friends, suck it up and send him a message. Worst that’s going to happen is he won’t respond, right?

  2. Remove him from the IM list. That is my absolute advice. Do not be “friends”, do not look back, do not, under any circumstances, be the FIRST TO PLINK. Can you imagine the humiliation if he has removed you from his IM, and then you plink him? If you can’t, I can do it for you.
    Ginger and rangy are to you what muscles and blue eyes are to me… I understand…but there are lots of gingery fish in a literal sea of ranginess and this one is not worth trying to hook back, even as a “friend” fish. Of course, I don’t like him much…and it is true that my opinion of him might be biased. But it’s still my best advice.

  3. illyna – no thank you. I think you’ve told me enough about C to make me have NO desire to meet him, what so ever 😐

    Josh – I know I should be strong and delete him from the buddy list as well but… I’m not strong. I am a wimpy wuss with very little self control. And deleting would be just so, well, final. I’m not sure I want it to be THAT final.

    meowkaat – but, but… but I want to be friends… I know *hangs head in shame* I am pathetic. And I don’t really want to be friends. I just want to have my cake and eat it really. Your advice is good advice.

    OK, I’m being strong. He has been deleted. He’s gone from the buddy list so I can’t succumb to temptation and be the first to plink. Of course, now I will never know if he was going to plink me… Damn it!

    Ah well, I can always find him on Facebook if I get really desperate 😉

  4. Cas has a thing for red hair and tall?! 😮 I’m shocked. Shocked I say!

    And here I thought she liked me for my personality. Oh well.

    😉 😛

  5. Will I get strangled if I say he is still on mine…..

    And I’d never do the ‘elephant’ thing.

    Straightforward to the point of pain, me….

    He wasn’t that ginger. If it’s coppery skinny collarboney goodness you want you could do better…

    🙂

  6. Neko, you are safe from the strangling. It’s not a “if you’re friends with me, you can’t be friends with him” thing. It’s more that I don’t want a constant “why isn’t he plinking me?!” whenever I sign into IM.

    And I also believe I could do better. Well, I hope so!

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