If I say it…

If I say it on the blog it must be true, therefore –

I hereby announce that I will no longer Facebook-stalk the objects of my (not-so)secret lusts and desires.

That way lies angst, heartache and criminal convictions.

Not to mention some very boring blog posts.

This resolution will come into effect as of one minute past midnight on the 9th of June 2007 (BST), which leaves me just enough time to have one last oggle of a few choice profiles πŸ˜‰

And can I just say, why am I always drawn to a certain type of person? And why is that certain type of person always in return attracted to (and in most cases deeply in love with a representative of) a type other than me? The “tall, leggy, blonde, sickeningly nice and intelligent, beautiful and with about as much body fat as you’d find on a twigglet” type?

Life is hard on us short, sturdy, curvy brunettes, that’s all I’m saying.

13 thoughts on “If I say it…

  1. What about tall, sturdy, brunettes? It’s not easy on us, either.

    And omg, now I’m going to profile stalk. Too bad you’re giving it up. We could have made it a sport…

  2. I’ve said it before (and if I haven’t, then I meant to) and I’ll say it again. You girls don’t know how easy you’ve got it.

    For example, at least it’s dead easy to tell whether a guy fancies you or not. Flirt with him a bit, and if he responds, that’s a yes. If he doesn’t, oh well, move on. Dead easy. With women, on the other hand, everything is a game. Oh, I’d better ignore him in case he realises I fancy him. Or, I don’t really fancy him but I’ll flirt with him anyway just for fun. Or the evil, I know he fancies me so I’ll flirt with him and get him to buy me drinks all night before I pull his best friend at 2am (not that that’s happened to me, but I’ve heard stories).

    Furthermore, if a guy has a particular “type” he goes for, you can at least bank on the fact he’s going to be fairly consistent about it. Every girlfriend I’ve ever had, for example, has been a brunette. I realise that this doesn’t help much with the case of the Mystery Object of Your Affections fancying tall skinny blondes, but at least you can say, well it’s never going to happen, best move on. This is immeasurably better than what girls seem to do, which is to decide whether they find somebody attractive based on an utterly random and inconsistent set of criteria. Some actual quotes from female friends of mine:

    “He’s ugly, but he plays the guitar so I probably would”
    “He’s really nice, but his arms are too skinny”
    “No, he looks like he spends too much time at the gym”
    “No, he’s really good looking so he’s probably a complete w*nker”
    [referring to his friend] “He’s probably a complete w*nker too, but I’d still f*ck him”
    “He’s really nice” “But I thought you didn’t like guys with long hair?” “I don’t, but he’s got nice shoulders”

    and my personal favourite:

    “Yeah, I like him, but he’s got bad shoes”

    Seriously, try being a guy for a while. Or a lesbian, which might be easier, and would almost certainly leave less residual scarring. (Although whether lesbians are as utterly insane as heterosexual girls I can’t say). You’ll realise that life really wasn’t so bad after all.

    I can’t say I’ve ever wished to be female — periods and childbirth and so on looks quite unpleasant, and having 24-hour access to a pair of breasts would probably result in me never leaving the house — but when it comes to snagging (or just snogging) a member of the opposite sex, you definitely have the advantage.

    Tristan (who has moved beyond “bitter” and is now nestled just the other side of “Guinness”)

    P.S. I’m not an expert, but given their snack-ish status, isn’t there actually quite a lot of fat in Twiglets?

  3. Actually, I know quite a few men that love curvy, short brunettes! (My boyfriend is one of them!) One friend explained it best to me by saying that some women are eye candy and some women are girlfriend material… trust me, many men will think you’re an ideal physical (and mental) package!

  4. “Ò€œYeah, I like him, but heÒ€ℒs got bad shoesÒ€”

    One of my friends always says you can tell a lot about a bloke by his shoes!

    And Tristan, in my experience (and Cas’s, I believe) blokes are generally oblivious to you fancying them until you pounce on them and stick your tongue down their throat – which as well brought up young ladies we would never do… not until a first date anyway. πŸ˜€

  5. Lisa – I hadn’t thought of it as a sport… Hmmm, I might have to have a quick rethink!

    Tristan – wow. A comment longer than the post itself. You really feel passionately about this one, don’t you? I will agree that us females are gleefully inconsistent in what we find attractive. It’s part of the fun πŸ˜€ I also don’t disagree in that some girls might have the advantage, I’m just not one of those girls. I’m one of natures Jump-ees, not a Jump-er. The one or two times I have taken the initiative, it’s not gone so well!

    Thanks Erin for the ego boost πŸ™‚ It would be even MORE helpful if you could point some of those men in my direction!

    peroty – perhaps there should be a league. By legitimising the activity it might make it less shameful?

    Josh – stalker! stalker! πŸ˜‰

    Moose – it was the SECOND date I’ll have you know! OK, only because a random cyclist interrupted at the opportune moment on the first date, but still πŸ˜› But yes, my experience has taught me that, in general, mankind is oblivious until you beat them over the head with it. Metaphorically speaking.

  6. this is fast turning into the Daily Echo (http://www.dailyecho.co.uk) comments section where two factions write increasingly hysterical posts about which side is worse. I think this is one of those times where we need to agree to disagree πŸ™„

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