I have a horrible feeling all the spam Akismet is catching is starting to get to me. There is just so frelling much of it! I’m starting to be intrigued as to what lies at the end of the links they keep throwing at me (though one look at the url and it is fairly obvious). I know if I was to actually click one of the links it would be a case of “My eyes! My eyes!” and a frantic lunge for the little x on the tab, but still, there’s this little bit of curiosity I’m having to beat back with a stick. That, and some spam bots have started using little snippets of story to catch my interest. I find myself wanting to know what happens next to the characters.
So far I’ve managed to resist (most) temptation, but I have been keeping a note of some of the more bizarre pieces of comment spam that Akismet has caught for me lately. I bring you the next installment in the “too good to delete” series. (My comments in italics).
- Jonathan, ever wondered who wrote Shakespeare? You can find the answer here
One, I’m not called Jonathan, and two – didn’t Shakespeare write Shakespeare?
- I acknowledge that bagels are comparatively rare outside the U.S. and Canada, but if you can get them that will make the experience better.
Quite why this linked to a blog that sells drugs I am not sure. That, and um… what experience can possibly be enhanced by bagels? 😉
- Apparently, it’s huge in the States. I’m not sure why, but I don’t think it would do so well here.
The mind does boggle, and it is impossible NOT to dwell on the dirty connotations of this – I always said the gutter was high for me.
- An exhaustive knowledge of the life and times of Douglas “Tin Legs” Bader, English WWII fighter ace.
Poor ol’ Tin Legs, having his memory linked to a sex-splog.
- The way you make a “station” in Pandora, is to begin by picking a certain song to kick it off. The system starts to guess what other songs you might like, based on the original criteria.
This was one I just could not decide if it was spam or not for the longest time, till I followed it back to the splog from whence it came. Still, it is remarkably accurate – read my own post about Pandora if you are curious.
- Permalinks have been enabled on this blog. You know what to do.
Well this is more than mildly sinister. I am waiting with bated breath to see what happens next…
- When it rains you can really smell the poo on the Parkland Walk
Remind me not to go to Parkland 😐
- What the hell is a weblog and why won’t they leave me alone?
Honey, you stop spamming me, I’ll willingly leave you alone.
- I can’t be bothered with anything these days, but such is life. I don’t care. So it goes. More or less nothing seems worth thinking about. I’ve just been hanging out waiting for something to happen, but that’s how it is.
I’ve had a fair few comments from this very depressed spam-bot. I’m starting to feel the need to go round to it’s house and make it a nice cup of tea.
- Have You Hugged Your Abortion Provider Today?
And who in their right minds thought that this would make a good piece of spam? Other than it being just a bit too personal, if I did anything with my abortion provider it would between him/her and me. I’m not going to share it with a piece of software!
- May we exchange links with your site?
This is always followed by a torrent of links in the same comment. I have no objection to exchanging links with people (if they are, you know, real) but to ask and then link without waiting for the answer just seems rude.
- I was definitely being seduced by someone channeling the ghost of dean martin.
This has to be one of my favourites. And if I remember correctly, it linked back to some fake Amazon rip-off site – quite how that relates to either seduction OR dean martin is any ones guess. I also find myself wanting to know what happens next…
- My final crime is that I was joking a couple of weeks ago about how lax it was of her not to have broken any arms yet (I had done two arms out of four by the time I was her age).
Like observing any new species, we learn things about Spam Bots in snippets – now it becomes apparent that they have four arms. All the better for typing with *mwhahahahahaa!*
- You have many friends that post in your guestbook – it is cool!
Now excuse me! I haven’t had a guestbook since 1999 I’ll have you know!
- Your confidence allows you to take your general awareness and channel it into creativity
For a moment I had the happy thought that this was a genuine comment, wrongly pegged as spam, complimenting me on my writing style. Sadly not – I’m no prude and I wanted to gouge out my own eyes at what lay at the end of the link.
- Let’s stay focused here. The only impression I received from your web log is that it makes you look like an ass.
That’s as maybe, but I’m an ass who got into 9rules, so there 😛