It’s a dogs life

After talking to Neko at the weekend, I feel obliged to post more regularly. Partly it’s so I know her (in)sanity levels stay topped up. I will admit it’s also partly because I get a kick out of the thought of her sitting in the lab, giggling away to herself, with everyone looking at her…

Yes, I am a bad person.

I wish I could take responsibility for the following, but it’s actually one of those emails that does the rounds from time to time – I could email it to everyone, but that would just be annoying. So I’m going to post it on the blog instead 😛

As I said, bad person!

* Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary*
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got stroked and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the garden! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

* Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary*
Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

For now…

5 thoughts on “It’s a dogs life

  1. Yet again, giggling like a loon.

    Any reputation as a sane person I might have enjoyed (unlikely, ad those who have met me know) has now been finally eroded.

    Yet I am happy, geeful nay, that Cas has mentioned me…

    I make a great minion…

    🙂

    Neko out

  2. More original content please. Please. Of course, I went and posted not-original content, but my coworker couldn’t post it (lest her new job find it and fire her), so it is on Bliss Defined.

    Wow, lots of commas there.

  3. I read that, looked at my dogs – dillon upside down half hanging off the bed asleep ears hanging and barley snoring upside down on her back in a similar zen like bless doggy slumber…. how true that email is 😉

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