I’m an internet statistic

I can’t find the source right now, but I did read somewhere recently that 38% of women have a secret crush on someone at work. Damn it. I finally have to admit that just once in my life, I’m following the herd. Right now I’m going to do something about it and tell everyone. Yes, I know that by plastering it over the internet it is no longer secret, but so what? The internet has played a significant part of my life so far, so why not now? Plus, by sharing it’s no longer secret, so I stop being a wooly sheep and become the kooky individual you all know and love once more.

I shall take a moment before we go any further to clarify the lingo that are used here on Bright Meadow; RLO stands for “Random Lust Object”. RLO’s by definition are random. You never know when they are going to appear and brighten up your day. By the same definition, RLO’s can never go beyond a mild “ooh, he’s rather pretty to look at…” because they never around long enough to even contemplate anything more. RLO’s are on a par with movie stars (only normally more, well, normal looking) in how they affect your daily life.

EDLO’s are where it starts to get a little sticky.

EDLO’s are “Every Day Lust Objects”. It’s all in the name.

There are degrees of crush which range from “wouldn’t push you out of the bed in the morning” all the way through to “I want to have your babies”. I am, and I must reassure all concerned here, nearer to option one than to option two but still… The presence of an EDLO makes work better and worse all at the same time. Better because it’s always nice to have something nice to look at. Worse because there really are times that a “nice personality” and a “cute hiccup” just aren’t enough to compete with leggy, blonde freshers. C’est la vie. C’est MY vie.

It’s one thing to flirt mildly with an RLO because – hello, random! When you have the self esteem of a battered slug * it’s quite another to even engage an EDLO in normal conversation. Plus I’m about as transparent as cling-film or something else that is very transparent. Glass maybe? Just once in my life I’d like to be enigmatic. Channel some of that Audrey Hepburn nonchalance.

Neh, I’m not thin enough to pull off Audrey Hepburn. But you know what I’m shooting at, right?

I know exactly what I’m doing here. I’m shooting for the moon because I know it will never happen. It’s so much easier to talk about the life I would like to live rather than to actually live the life. And as I’ve said a time or three, it’s nice to look and to dream 😉

So yes, I’ve been cursed/blessed with an EDLO at work. It makes for great conversations down the pub of an evening – all my friends berating me (yet again) and telling me what I should be doing, me trotting out all the same tired old excuses I’ve been trotting out for the past decade. It makes for great blogging material. It makes for damn hard wardrobe choices in the morning.

I shall end this by asking the following: why the frack do I always look my absolute worst when he walks in in the morning looking absolutely scrumptious in those battered jeans?

Just asking.

* Why a battered slug? No reason, I just think that a battered slug would have low self esteem.

11 thoughts on “I’m an internet statistic

  1. why the frack do I always look my absolute worst when he walks in in the morning…

    You know what? I reckon he is thinking, “why did I choose the authentic jean look today. She’s gonna think I’m a hippy or a ‘couldn’t be arsed to iron’ type of guy.”

    Just smile and invite him out for a drink, goddammit.

    Disclaimer: I’m a guy, obviously.

  2. But it sure does make work interesting, doesn’t it? 🙂 My work is so boring. No new RLO’s turned EDLO’S. 🙁 Of course, it has to do that I’ve been at the same company for 5 years. Now *I’m* boring!

    I agree with Ollie in asking him out to drink, but the girly in me loves that mystery of wondering “What if?” Oh how impractical. Haha. Well like I said, it does make work interesting! That’s kind of practical, isn’t it?

  3. It does make work interesting indeed! I think its worth acting on the situation every now and again. However be warned… Thems EDLOTWR (Every Day Lust Objects That Went Wrong) can be pretty harsh.

    By the way I loved how you used Frack in your post..

  4. Ollie – if there was the remotest spark in the other direction, I might take the bull by the horns and say something, even though it didn’t work the last time I tried it (that’s another story). However, I am pretty confident that I’m not the right “type” that he doesn’t think of me “in that way” etc, etc, etc. Though he has said I have a cute hiccup, so that’s clearly something to cling to.

    “why did I choose the authentic jean look today. She’s gonna think I’m a hippy or a ‘couldn’t be arsed to iron’ type of guy.”

    Bearing in mind that my usual clothing choices are referred to by my boss as “colourful” and “ethnic” (somehow a skirt and top from Fat Face are ‘ethnic’) I’d have to think that he’s guessed by now I’m no friend of the iron either.

    Damn I’m pathetic!

    Esther – firstly, working for 5 years at the same place isn’t boring if you enjoy it. If you don’t, that’s another matter as I strongly believe you should have fun with what you do (work hard, but have a laugh). Secondly, being practical is vastly over rated. Being gleefully girly and impractical means I get lots of things to blog about so y’all get lots of things to read 😉

    Steve – EDLOTWR are probably the main thing stopping me ‘doing’ anything other than randomly splurge it across the internet. And thank you. It’s good to see that our incessant watching of BSG here at Meadow Towers (we completed S3 last night *sob*) and the way it’s affected my speech patterns are appreciated by someone. Most of the time, even out loud, I use ‘frell’ (from Farscape) and have done for years. I’m more self-conscious about ‘frack’ as it’s not totally part of my daily lexicon. Yet!

  5. I love this post because I have had the same experience! It took me about a year to say something about it to my EDLO. This was probably a bad thing to do, but I could have sworn there was potential. He wasn’t interested, and now things are a little weird.

    The worst was watching him date my co-worker. They sat right behind me and I had to listen to them giggle all day. However, he dumped her and she decided to find a new job. (EDLOTWR!) Ah, office drama!

  6. 64BakerSt – Office drama is the best, I will agree 😀 I can’t decide if I want the EDLO to start reading the blog, or if I DON’T want the EDLO to start reading the blog… Either way could lead to awkward moments! (Though I did falsely accuse him of covering my desk in post-it notes this morning… *blush* )

    Welcome to Bright Meadow and the comments as well 🙂

  7. I’m just glad I’ve no current LO’s at all – and certainly not at work, where I’m surrounded just by computers and fun-apps-to-play-with. Makes things darned easy and safe. Yeah, boring too of course.

  8. I agree, Cas. And I admit I classified it as boring out of perceived necessity. Longevity at a single workplace over 2 years these days is rare so in my perspective 5 is an infinity. 😉 Yes, I guess it isn’t boring if I am still here.

  9. Nils – no LO’s at all? Not even some regular on the bus? Now that is a shame.

    Esther – there’s nothing to be ashamed of. If you enjoy it and have fun, why worry? Curiously (and feel free to tell me to stick my nose out of things that don’t concern me) what do you do?

  10. Well, now that you mention the bus, the bus crush is a classic. In fact, there’s this hot girl with glasses who always sits in the opposite direction of me doing hair flips. Seriously, if she doesn’t stop doing that, it will eventually break my heart. Generally, I try to keep the lusting on public transport to a minimum though.

  11. Nils, you have a point. There’s a whole fine line with the bus thing – open adoration one moment, stalking the next…

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