If you’re looking at this, you’ve come too early.

Get your cute little be-hind over to brightmeadow.blogspot.com, which is my current blog.

I’ll be sure to let you know when this site is ready for public consumption.

Well, the blog has definitely come of age now. If you will all cast your attention here to the comments at the end of the I Have Breasts post, you will find a comment that is not the most complimentary I have ever received.

Now, before we go any further, I have no problem with non-complimentary comments. I believe that frank and open discussion is good and that there should be more of it. Nor am I naive enough to think that everyone out there is going to agree with everything I say. So, I would like to invite Mr Anonymous (for some reason I am getting a male vibe off the post) to come back and discuss what about my post offended him (or her, it could be a her) so much. Or, failing that, to email me so that we can discuss the issues he (or, again, she) had with the post.

For future reference though, any dear dissenters out there who might be wanting to follow in dear Anonymous’ footsteps, I am more inclined to take you seriously if you own your comments. Hiding behind the illusory anonymity of the net does seem a little cowardly.

And now, let’s discuss the issues this comment raised in a bit more depth. I feel we, as decent net-citizens, owe it to Anonymous to play nicely in our little sandbox and not to throw the toys out of the pram too often.

Firstly, there is nothing quite like a little flame to really make your day start with a bang. I had had a hunch that today was going to be a good day – I got woken up at just before 9 this morning by a loud German (Sebastian has friends over from back home). This is ok. I had things I needed to get done today and they weren’t going to get done sleeping. Then I needed the bathroom, so opened my door, to find myself staring a tall blond rather cute German in the face. Again, not a bad way to start the morning. Mildly embarrassing on my part seeing as how I was still in PJs with bed-hair, but there are worse sights that could have greeted me. Then I turn on the computer and find a not-so-nice comment on the blog. Whilst not causing me to burst into tears of pain and rejection, it was still a dose of reality I could have done without at 9 in the morning, on my day off, unfortified by a cup of tea. Then again, it did give me something to talk to Moose about on the bus into town, so, all to the good 🙂

Now we get to the text of the comment. Perhaps I should have explained myself better. I was not intending to be mean about Ms. Dunst. I believe she is a wonderful actress and really rather pretty, but by no stretch of the imagination could she be considered large-breasted. This is what happens when you break a personal rule of never commenting on how people look – even when you only mean it as a throw-away comment some people take it the wrong way. My bad. Nor, for that matter, were the size of Ms Dunst’s breasts actually the topic of the post. I was talking about my breasts and the many trials and tribulations that ensue when you have, as the Irish Lass elegantly put it over lunch yesterday, curves. Either way, I am sorry to any Kirtsen Dunst fans out there who were offended by what I had to say on the matter.

It was the end part of Anonymous’ comment that really confused me though. I am not sure of the relationship between my fitness levels and the size of Ms. Dunst’s breasts. Let us put aside for now the fact that I go to the gym at least three times a week (Moose has this look she gives me when I don’t go that just guilts the crap out of me), make a point of walking at least 30 minutes on the days I don’t go to the gym, and am (if not in tip-top condition), not so unfit that I get out of breath walking to the fridge and back. Let us also put aside for now the fact that, if I spent any less time on the computer, I think the godhead would be after me with sharp pointy objects and any chance of me actually getting a post-graduate qualification would go from ‘fairly high’ straight to ‘none’, bypassing ‘slim’ on the way down.

Seriously, is there some scientific study out there that proves conclusively that the size of Ms. Dunst’s bust is directly correlated to my exercise regime (or mooted lack thereof)? I mean, if there was, you’d think that her agent or someone on her staff would have got in touch to coordinate our schedules. I mean, there should have been at least the odd phone-call saying “Kirsten’s got a premiere in a couple of weeks, so could you see your way to fitting in a few K’s on the cross-trainer this week?” There have, so far, been no such calls. Also, I am not sure what Anonymous means. Does he mean if I exercise more her bust will increase, or it will decrease? And which is the more favorable outcome as far as he (and any other fans of Ms. Dunst out there who might be reading this) is concerned?

Still on things that my brain started thinking about after that comment:
I found a wonderful way of increasing the readership of Bright Meadow over night, and it is this – tag a post in Technorati with the tag ‘breasts’. I just looked over my stats. It is reassuring somehow to learn that the mindset of the average internet user has not changed much over the years. They are still like Prince George in Blackadder the Third when he uses the first ever dictionary to look up dirty words. (The episode I am talking about is “Ink and Incapability” if you are curious). I wouldn’t recommend that you did this trick with any regularity, because then people would probably start to think you were something to do with the adult entertainment industry, but once or twice sure gives the page-hit a nice boost. And yes, it looks like dear Anonymous arrived at the blog via a search for ‘breasts’. Certainly no one has come in via a link on ‘Kirsten Dunst’ or ‘Elizabethtown’ which were the other tags I used on that post. For some reason I have had one user who has repeatedly come to the site via a search for ‘Jeff’. Odd, but true.

One of the things that I had to do today (and got done because a loud German woke me up) was braving M&S and getting some new bras. I tried on what felt like a gazillion of the fricking things (seven) and actually found two pairs that fitted, that I liked, and (more importantly) that (if I don’t eat for the next week or so) I could afford. Perhaps M&S heard my comments the other day about how they’ve mucked about with the sizing, but this time around I actually was the size I thought I was, which was something. Then I get the only male assistant on the checkouts. I couldn’t help it – the part of my brain that resides quite happily in the gutter flashed the thought in my mind how it was a pity the first bloke in a while to manhandle my underwear wasn’t cuter. I know, I know! I am a bad Cas. I should wash my mouth out with soap and water.

And, as I have probably offended a whole heap more people with that post, I am going to stop now. We’re all going out again tonight (I just purchased the CUTEST bag) so don’t be surprised if there is a drunken post at about 3 am tomorrow. You have been warned.

Also, just want to check, the rest of you understand the tone of this blog is irreverant and sarcastic for sure, but loving irreverant and sarcastic, right? I don’t come across as some mean psycho bitch from hell or anything? Cos I used to live with one of them, and they’re no fun 🙁

Cas is currently

The observant among you might have noticed a few changes around the place, and these include:

• New picture of yours truly wearing a silly hat.
• Tweaked the sidebar.
• Changed the text of the About Bright Meadow section some.
• Tweaked the text of the Cast & Crew section a little bit.
• Made the ‘Top Posts’ more prominent. As yet this is purely based on the posts I think worthy, but if you can think of others that deserve such notice, do tell.
• Included a “Latest Research Links (from del.icio.us)” section in the sidebar. These are sites/bits I’ve found which are more serious and related to my research than your average Sunday Roast link.
• The latest adventures of Lara Croak, Frog Racer

I inform you of these changes for no reason other than I just like to do stuff like that. *said in the creepy voice of the bad dude from The Warriors*

I made the changes as part of my ongoing quest to get a more elegant and successful blog design. I am starting to knock up against the limitations of blogger. To be honest, I’ve been unhappy with the service for a while now, having to fudge solutions to problems such as top posts, and just giving up on categories, let alone trackbacks and the like. I’m this close (holds fingers close together) to moving to another platform. Any one got any recommendations? And a reliable host would be nice too.

Cas is currently

That last post was a little over long. Sorry. Just something I wanted to get off my chest.

I am aware that, at nearly 3000 words, it stretches what you would want to read on a blog to breaking point and, most likely, beyond. Whilst I think it is worth it (I wouldn’t have posted it other wise), I will totally understand if you just let it sail blythely on by.

I will now leave you to read it (or not, no pressure, up to you), whilst I go and write 5000 words on what you need to take into consideration when you try and implement a wiki for a couple of thousand archaeologists to use. Here’s a tip – don’t do it. It might seem like a good idea, but trust me, it’s not worth. Really, really not worth it.

Cas is currently

You do become something of a connoisseur of hold music, voice-recognition systems, and call centers in general when you move into a new property. Over the last two and a half months, (I am including the house-hunting time as well), I have been put on hold more times, and dealt with more voice recognition systems, than I can shake a moderately sized stick at.

Moose has managed to get out of having to do most of these calls. That’s the price you pay for being home during the day and not having a full time job. I’m also willing to get pissy on the phone, and refuse to be fobbed off, which makes me the best person to deal with the sundry calls that need to be dealt with. Gas companies, electricity companies, water companies, letting agencies, television companies, insurance companies… the list seems endless, and with each call my respect for the brain power of the average call-centre worker diminishes. Another few calls like the ones I’ve had to deal with over the last couple of days and you’ll need an electron microscope to see the level of respect I no longer have. I am friends with people who have worked/still work in call centers and they are very nice and intelligent people. I have, once or twice, had the pleasure of dealing with ‘a customer service representative’ who clearly has more than two brain cells to rub together.

Just, on the whole, I rarely seem to get to speak to these people. I get the people with speech impediments, the people who mumble, the people who talk too fast. I have some minor hearing problems and having to repeatedly ask someone to repeat themselves is just infuriating for the both of us. I get the people who clearly have trouble with the concept “one plus one equals two”. I’m not saying I want to speak to someone who is a nuclear physicist in their spare time (they’d make awful call-center people anyway), but it would be nice if the person on the other end of the phone was capable of a basic level of coherent thought.

I have a personal rule to always (at least attempt to) be nice to call center staff. They have the power to make you very happy (or very very unhappy). When TNT managed to loose the laptop I’d ordered from Apple and I was trying to sort it all out, by the time it was over I was on first name terms with the girl from Apple. She was wonderful and helpful and did an amazing job, and I emailed the customer service people to tell them so. Yes, comments shouldn’t always be for the bad stuff. Good service deserves recognition too. Just, you so rarely come across good service.

I doubt, as a career, few people go to their guidance councilor and say “I want to work in a call centre”. But people do end up doing the job and they should do the best they can at it. Grrr.

(Rant almost over.)

I don’t think I am calm enough yet to go into the horrors that is National Grid-Transco’s voice-recognition system. Let me just say “ARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” and leave it at that.

Please, please, please, if your company has a voice recognition system, or any other form of gate-keeper system, can you give it an escape hatch? The words “or press 3 to speak to a customer service representative” are some of the sweetest ten words in the English language. And if your gate-keeper has more than, say, three levels, please redesign it. Press one for this, then two for this, then one for this, then four for this, then… then it’s Ms Hyde the poor call-center innocent has to deal with. Oh, and a voice recognition system should be able to store the information I tell it (address, name, problem etc) so that, when I finally DO get to speak to a human being, they can see what I’ve already spent ten minutes saying to a machine, and not make me say it all over again.

Humph. There endeth today’s rant.

A few companies that stick in my mind:
British Gas’ hold music, and gate-keeper system are not too infuriating. So prolonged exposure to the musak made my brain want to bleed out of my ears, but that’s standard across the board. The three people I ended up speaking to this week all seemed on the ball and did a pretty good job.

National Grid/Transco, on the other hand, made me burst into tears once I’d finished speaking to them. Ok, they’re not totally to blame, but they didn’t help. Their voice recognition gate-keeper is one of the worst I have ever had the misfortune to deal with. It didn’t understand my accent, and I have a pretty vanilla basic British accent with little regionality to it. It didn’t save my responses so I had to repeat EVERYTHING to the human being I finally spoke to. And it had no escape hatch so, when I had to keep calling them back, I had to go through the ENTIRE rigmarole another two times. Not only annoying, but expensive, seeing as how it was my phone bill. The first two people I spoke to weren’t too hot, but the third today was ok.

Apple Customer Service. When you finally get through to them your will to live hasn’t been too sapped by their hold music (unless you ring over the holidays – there’s only so many times you can here ‘Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’ before you are ready to commit homicide). The staff know what they’re talking about, are helpful, and (most importantly) have individual lines that they are WILLING to give out to people with more indepth problems, so you can be sure you speak to the same person when you ring back. This, trust me, saves a whole lot of hassle.

TNT. I won’t go into detail about TNT. Just trust me when I say their customer service is appalling, their staff must be sourced from another planet for all the sense they make, and they have a distressing habit of ‘misplacing’ expensive items of equipment. The last three things I have had carried by TNT have all gone astray at least twice.

Ok, normal service resumed. Cas has successfully vented her frustration and is, whilst still a bit down, no longer so pissed off she wants to rend fluffy bunnie-wunnies limb from limb.

Cas is currently

Have you ever had to sum up what you feel your greatest achievement has been? In 200 words? That isn’t your degree? If you have, then you might have some comprehension of why I used todays smilie. If you haven’t, then you are very lucky.

Why can’t I talk about my degree? Well, because the chappy from the recruitment bureau told me I was not to. The job I am applying for (which will never come off, so this is the last I will be mentioning it) is a graduate postion, hence everyone applying will be a graduate, so your degree doesn’t really set you apart. That makes a kind of sense.

At the same time, my degrees (undergrad and the current post-grad) are the two things I am most proud of in my life. Finishing Liverpool was no picnic, what with one thing and the other, and the day I graduated was by far the greatest moment of my life bar none. There were times I really didn’t think I would make it, so to be up on that stage, shaking the hand of a man I had never met before, whilst wearing a silly hat and a gown that made me look like a dumpy-arsed penguin, was something special to me. As for this year? Again, not exactly a cake-walk, though for different reasons.

I want to be able to say that the thesis I am currently writing is my greatest achievement (because I truly believe that it is), but I am not allowed to. What else can I talk about? That I was head of machine sales at Whittard of Chelsea is hardly going to cut it. I also don’t think talking about this blog thingy I started back in April that has gained me a few new random internet acquaintances is quite what they are looking for. (Though I am proud of both those things too).

So, in order to give me a few ideas, I need you, my wonderful blog minions, to tell me what your greatest achievement has been.

Whilst you are thinking of that, have some pictures I found lurking on the mobile (click for bigger peeps).

The quilt I made for Brother Dearest and his SO for their joint birthdays.

How many post-grads does it take to program a phone? And I still can’t work the damn thing!

Cas is currently at life, but at the reviewed piece of technology

Mata, this morning, flagged a new service, Pandora, as one that is worth a play. It’s a streaming radio-player with a difference – you put in a band/track you like, and it will automatically create playlists for you based on that. The people behind it have done it a little differently though. Rather than rely on genres, each individual song is analysed, catalogued, and the selections are based on things like influences, the key the music is in, the beat, vocal harmony, instruments used, and all sorts of other stuff I have no idea about.

I was dubious, I will admit it, but I couldn’t decide on what to listen to whilst I beat my head against ‘Electronic Publication‘, so I fired up Pandora and decided to make the most of their 10 hour free trial.

I plugged in “Matchbox Twenty”, ^*1* and, skeptically, settled back to see what was presented for my listening pleasure.

I have to say, I’ve been listening to Pandora for most of the day, trying it out, and at most it throws up something I don’t like every ten or so tracks that I do like. And when that happens, you just tell them ‘I don’t like this’, and your preferences get adjusted accordingly. About every third or fourth track, I adore, and I’ve added two new bands to my “must by their album when I have disposable income” list.

The implementation is spot on, the service has skipped just twice in the entire time I’ve been listening, unlike many other Internet radio stations, and I am seriously tempted to pay the subscription fee.

If I have a niggle, it is that even the ‘small’ version of the player is fairly hefty when you only have a 12 inch screen, and it requires pop-ups to be enabled. You don’t realise how many pop-ups are out there till you’ve forgotten you’d turned the blocking off. But that’s one niggle and there’s no law that says I can’t just leave the full version running in another tab, or minimize that one window. Maybe a nice little standalone app could be made at somepoint, though that does defeat the portability of such a sweetly coded in-browser flash application.

This, ladies and gentle-beans is what Flash should be used for, not for infuriating headers/display elements/flash-only sites that take an age to load and do nothing that standard HTML couldn’t have done for a fraction of the overhead and annoyance value… ^*2*

The nicely integrated ‘buy this at amazon or iTunes’ links are remarkably tempting, but I must practice my willpower, damnit!

So what has Pandora taught me today? Well, it turns out I seem to like music that features:
electric rock instrumentation
country influences
mild rhythmic syncopation
a subtle use of vocal harmony
major key tonality
With the occasional side order of:
mixed acoustic and electric instrumentation
acoustic rhythm guitars

They do say that, whilst your musical taste changes over time, certain forms and arrangements of music will always be your favourite. You’re just wired a certain way. Whatever kinked me along the road, I do seem to favour middle of the road lyrical light rock. With male vocalists. I can’t think of one track it’s given me today that had a female singer. Huh.

I do know why I am in a major beat today – I feel all down, and just the thought of listening to stuff in a sobbing minor key is enough to have me bursting into tears.

I wonder what will happen when I ask it to play me stuff related to Sweet (some good old fashioned glam rock, and the first band I ever remember actively liking. I wore the casette tape out I listened to it so much when I was younger) and

Oh.

My.

God.

Sweet also it turns out have mild rhythmic syncopation, major key tonality, mixed acoustic and electric instrumentation, electric guitar riffs, and vocal harmonies.

So I know who is to blame for my musical taste now. My father.
Damn him playing T-Rex, Sweet, and Queen at full volume every time we went on a car journey.

Just goes to show, you never know what is going to scar your kids for life.

*UPDATE – 11th November 2005*
It is now possible to use Pandora without paying, as they have introduced an add-supported version. Currently this is only licensed for the States, so you need to plug in a US zip code to show where you live. I am a law-abiding citizen so I will refrain from pointing out the obvious holes in this system. Fingers crossed for international licensing soon!