I was pondering on the train home (and let’s face it, there’s not a lot else to do on trains but ponder – pity yourselves if I do land the job that requires a 2 hr 30 daily commute) what it is that makes online acquaintances into friends? What is it that gives us such sentimental attachments to virtual places, and why are we always lusting after what is over and done with?

My online history is no more boring or interesting than the majority of everybody else’s. I actually came to it quite late, starting online role playing over at Terisia City, the Castle of Fun, and Garic’s City back in 2001. In the course of this message board related fun, I made some true and lasting friends who I am still in touch with today. I also became ridiculously attached to the message-board community that formed around Terisia City. I had a place there – I was valued, and, I don’t think I am being big headed to admit it, loved. At one point I was even voted ‘mayor’ of the city.

For reasons long and various, but inextricably linked to the dull process of getting older, getting my head sorted, and trying to get a degree, I slowly drifted away from the boards. By the time I moved to Soton I hadn’t been on the boards in near a year and didn’t think I missed it. If I had grown away from the friends I had made there, well, I put that down to the natural drift that happens as people grow older and interests shift. That, and I am an appalling correspondent, so am a nightmare to keep in touch with.

Then a week or so back, I got an email from someone I hadn’t heard from in a while, saying basically “the Bar is back. We miss you. Come play”. I will never know what made me click that link, but click it I did, and as soon as the familiar page opened up I had this feeling that I had come “home”. Bizarre, inexplicable, totally irrational, I know, but that is what I felt. I posted that night with a silly grin on my face. I felt ridiculously happy to be greeted by old friends. It was absurdly easy to slip back into character – I was bar hopping and polishing like I had never been away. The place just felt right in the way that you normally reserve for physical places and people. It was (and oh lord I am blushing as I write this) like a teeny piece of me had been missing and now was found.

Terisia and the people I met there were more to me than just a message board. They gave me a space to work out who I wanted to become. I was, like most everyone else there, a screwed up teenager, who felt she had no voice and no value. I learnt, or at least started to learn, what it feels like to be a member of a community of like minded people. I was instrumental in shaping the place. The person you know now through this blog would be someone completely different if she hadn’t played in Terisia. She wouldn’t be called Cas for starters. RP and MSN helped me to realise, and be comfortable with, the fact I am an incurable flirt at the same time as being excruciatingly shy (yes, the two can go together). I made friends with many people, talked via MSN with most of them, met a handful, and even dated a couple.

Perhaps I am just being a sentimental old fool and what I take for a feeling of “home” is just a feeling of nostalgia for a time that I enjoyed enormously, but that is now over. I do know that some of the old magic has gone – Terisia belongs to a new generation of people. The gaming is different. There are back stories I am unaware of and, I must be honest, have little desire in learning. Just as, I am sure, the current crop of players have little interest in learning the “history” of their board. It’s the Internet, a virtual environment, and constantly evolving, so is the story (six years old now) of how Terisia came into being really that important? Do they care that, way back when, X was romantically involved with Y, before Z stepped on the scene and things went to hell in a handcart? Even the language is different – flibble and eep are just random syllables, and if I tried to explain “plink, squwibble, angrenism” they just wouldn’t get it, let alone understand why mentioning chocolate oranges makes a certain few people grin knowingly.

This is, I feel, exactly how it should be. Places and virtual spaces need to be reused, and peoples relationships with them should be renegotiated constantly, or else they freeze into mausolea, static and dead. Beautiful monuments, perhaps, but essentially meaningless once the founders depart. I happily leave Terisia to the newbies. Let White Knight’s dreaded new generations have as much fun there as I did. I don’t need the place, I don’t belong there any more, and it certainly doesn’t fit into my life the way it used to.

Despite all this, part of me wants to go back to how it was. I’ve flown the nest, but selfishly, childishly, I want it all to stay the same as my safety net. That sense of belonging… I deeply loved each and every one of the people I met through the boards. Drasche, Tiana, Kerrick, Nethya, Shadow, WK, Demon Lord, Rhox, Ephemeron, Zair – I miss them all. Ceres, Ryo, Akasha, Takhisis, and many more. Hell, I even find myself wanting to email shanks again, and we all know that ain’t a good idea 😉

Terisia was my virtual home for several years. Going back there feels like it does when I go back home to Somerset for the weekend – right. Things click into place. The sky is the right colour. At the same time, I couldn’t stay there. I’ve outgrown it. A week, two weeks, is fine, but longer than that I start to want more. I want the bright lights of the big city. I want to meet new people. I guess they are right when they say you can never go back. The past is a great place to visit, but no matter how great an idea it sounds, I doubt you’d want to live there.

I have a wonderous little penguin animation that S. from work emailed me today – it’s a gif and the looping just gets old after about three cycles so I don’t want to post it, but if anyone wants to see it, just drop me a line and I’ll send it to you 🙂

I take a bad picture – I rarely, if ever, look even halfway respectable in pictures that are taken of me. There are about two pictures of me that I can look at and not cringe. The “Hat” picture which graces the About page is one of these. My graduation picture is most definitely not. Which is a problem considering Curly Durly is determined to keep my grad-pic in pride of place on the fireplace till she has another one to replace it (roll on July, another silly hat, and an outfit with trousers so I don’t look like a fat penguin).

My point being, if I have a picture I don’t like (i.e., most of them), I don’t show it to people. I keep going till I have one I do like. Good karma must be accruing to the chappy who thought of modern photo-booths where you can have several attempts to look human. What I definitely don’t do is use a picture that makes me look (quite frankly) like a startled ghost that has stuck its finger in an electrical socket. Especially when this picture is to be placed on something that will be in use for a minimum of five years.

The thing with my job is, I get to look at lots and lots of faces. Around twenty thousand at the last count. And most of the pictures are really rather good – though if I had a penny for every time I’ve heard “oh, I hope I don’t break the camera”, I’d probably have enough for an external hard drive and a pair of glasses by now. Clearly, the majority of people in the Soton region at least feel the same as me. You make an effort not to submit pictures that make you look, quite frankly, deranged.

All of which makes the odd one all the more special. Everyone took one look at the picture, blinked, looked again to make sure, then went “oh… dear…” I will NOT be surprised if we get a phone call from the lady asking if we can reissue her card with another picture on it.

Whilst we don’t keep formal lists, there are some names that stand testament to how cruel parents can be (and how Terry Prachett the world is sometimes), and there are some faces which have become firm favourites. This lady, bless her pink eye shadow, is definitely one of the better ones.

(And no, we’re not being cruel, laughing at people. We are doing it in a loving and respectful manner. That, and if we didn’t do it occasionally, we would all go stir crazy).

Times are, the round of emails from colleagues actually throws up a gem or three…

(All the following are on Flickr, so click to see full size).

And my favourite…

If a paperclip is a “trombone” in French, what is a trombone?
(Staring at a box of paperclips all day in the office. Sorry.)

I was on the train home today, staring out the window, listening to Eve 6, and the urge came over me to make new Blog Minions. Yes, I think about my blog whilst I commute. That’s not odd, is it?

Anyway, there are three new Blog Minions I would like to introduce you to:

The Brainy Snail, for taking care of me and making sure my brain didn’t explode before todays interview. So not exactly blog-related, but as she didn’t get a proper introduction for her previous Minion-contribution, I figure she deserves a little paragraph now. And trust me, managing to make me calm this afternoon was no mean task! Gibbering wrecks had nothing on me. Everybody, wave at the Brainy Snail.

Jay, for being brave and sharing a cheesecake recipe. That, and his little squirrel/beaver/rodent avatar makes me grin every time I see it. See, it doesn’t take much to be made a Minion. Be nice to Jay people, he’s new to Bright Meadow (at least, he’s only just started actually commenting). We don’t want to scare him away.

Crazy. Ah, Crazy. How can I not make someone who blogs under the name “Crazy” a Minion? He can generally be relied upon to say nice things in comments, so that’s a plus too. That, and he keeps asking to be made one. Way I figure it, if you want something that badly, who am I to deny you the pleasure? Say ‘hello’ to Crazy. I’m sure that straightjacket is just a fashion statement…

Now, being a Blog Minion can mean whatever you want it to mean. I don’t ask you to do anything – it is simply in recognition of the fact you are jolly good eggs, and people who have made Bright Meadow that little bit brighter 🙂 If you want to take the button back to your own site to proclaim your Minionhood (and make a handy link 😉 ) (if you even have your own site), please do so. If you want to completely redesign the button, please do that also. If you don’t want to link back, again, that is fine by me. I just want you to know that I appreciate you.

The full list of Blog Minions can be found here, as can a fuller explanation of what Minions are.