Missing, one cupid. Reward for his discovery

I sit here, cup of tea in hand, staring in incomprehension at a javascript file trying to work out why it isn’t working (there’s a comma or something missing somewhere, but I’ll be damned if I can find it), and I ponder where have all the good men gone?

Seriously. Where have they gone? I know they must exist because I see my friends hooking up left, right, and centre. So why am I stuck here, sitting alone on my double bed, writing a blog post when there are much more fun things I could be doing on my double bed?

I go out – every night this past week I was doing something. I have a social life, maybe not as thrilling as some, but still not crazy-cat-lady standards. I meet people. I meet men. Yet nothing happens.

I’m getting antsy here fellas!

There is nothing wrong with being single. Single is my default state, livened only by short periods of not-single, and I enjoy single. Independence means a lot to me, but just every now and then I’d like to be single through choice and not because it is the only option available. Or even someone to share that independence with occasionally, now there’s a daring thought!

Are my standards too high? Too right I’ve got high standards! I’m quality goods here! It’s not everyday you get a package like this – brains, damn cute smile, eyes that could stop traffic, a blog that (all honesty aside) kicks ass, and my breasts… Well, they are not unimpressive if I can say so myself.

So I carry a few extra pounds and have an inferiority complex the size of Outer Mongolia, but screw you if that matters! I’m 24, have a damn amazing screwball sense of humour, and just might surprise you… If you can’t see that then, well, your loss.

And, sadly, mine as well. I know you’re out there somewhere, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to turn half of Hampshire inside out just to find you.

I don’t ask for much. To be able to hold a conversation with me. To make me laugh. Not to mind when I write out our life for the delectation of the Internet masses. To just sit there and go ‘yes dear’ when I’m ranting on about something and nothing. If you’re not stomach churning to look at and are the owner of a good pair of collar bones then all the better.

But, alas, such paragons of manly virtue are very thin on the ground. All the men of my acquaintance are:
1) Taken
2) Gay
3) In another country. Been there, done that, several times. You’re gonna have to be extra-special goods to make me go there again. Or, you know, just real cute πŸ˜‰
4) So bottom-feeder-ish that, well, come on. See my previous statements about my sheer goddess-ness! I’m just worth more.

Where are all the good men hiding, can someone tell me that? I’m not that scary. I promise not to shackle you to marriage, kids, and all that jazz. I just want someone to make me laugh and to be there when the day hasn’t gone quite to plan.

Oh, and the occasional bit of sex wouldn’t go amiss either.

Is that really too much to ask?

24 thoughts on “Missing, one cupid. Reward for his discovery

  1. Sorry you’re having trouble finding a new Mr. Bright Meadow, Cas. If I weren’t…

    1.) Married
    2.) Across that big arse pond that lies between America and England

    I’d date you.

    If that’s any consolation. πŸ˜‰

  2. I asked my girlfriend the same question in the months before we started dating and why she’s never dated anyone steadily in the last 6 years. At the end of it she told me that despite her impossibly high standards which I’ve yet to achieve and her commitment phobic free spirit, it isn’t about finding mr right, it’s letting mr right now come when you least expect it.

    It’s one of those stupid rules in life where you find something when you’re not looking for it. As for the rest of the standards we hold on to, we have the rest of our lives to put them to order, Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither is the search for someone we hope to be with.

    Live life for today because tomorrow will bring something new. The rest of our lives is always entirely negotiable.

  3. Local – check
    Single – check
    “To be able to hold a conversation with me” – To be proven.
    “To make me laugh” – Quietly confident but, again, to be proven.
    “Not to mind when I write out our life for the delectation of the Internet masses” – Sounds like fun, although I would likely do the same to counter the bias. πŸ˜›
    “To just sit there and go Γ’β‚¬Λœyes dearÒ€ℒ when IÒ€ℒm ranting on about something and nothing” – I hold veteran status for this.
    “not stomach churning to look at” – I think I’m safe here but that’s really one for you to judge.
    “the owner of a good pair of collar bones” – Never been assessed, but they do for me.

    If one of your here casual readers can run the gauntlet you’ve laid down, evidently you’re not asking too much.
    Life is a cunning mix of intention and luck…

  4. Well if ever there was a post designed to boost my self esteem… πŸ˜€

    Jay and Josh – y’all are both perfect examples of one and three. Not four though πŸ˜‰

    Edrei – I’m not exactly holding out for Mr Right. I am realistic enough on that score not to be holding my breath. At the moment, Mr Right Now would be nice. I’m not averse to shopping around and seeing what’s out there – alas, what’s out there is seemingly averse to me. I haven’t been on a date in… *counts back* Embarrassingly too long.

    I think part of the problem is that I’m distressingly old fashioned in some respects – I expect to be asked. It’s probably something to do with that massive inferiortity complex I mentioned in the post: I never want to assume someone might like me in case I make a complete and utter arse of myself. Yes, all evidence to the contrary I am not a fan of public humiliation.

    And Dan, welcome to the comments. I was wondering if this post would chase anyone out of the woodwork πŸ˜€

  5. You know I don’t find that answer helpful, so I shall do what I do every time you give it to me, and stick my tongue out at you πŸ˜›

  6. You know, Cas… based on what you wrote, Old Surly is probably right. πŸ˜‰ Maybe that’d explain why you don’t like hearing it?

  7. I don’t like hearing it because it just isn’t helpful or constructive.

    Whilst it is nice to hear “oh, you are so wonderful, it would be a crime for you to be single” every once in a while, it really isn’t much help.

    Because, wonderful or not, I *am* single, so something’s going wrong somewhere along the way. I can’t help that I am perfectly capable of managing without a man. And short of tattooing on my forehead “I am actually single” I’m not really sure what can be done to address the situation.

    Perhaps I should hand out business cards with “hard though it is to believe I am actually single” to all eligible men I meet?

    I expect there’s really hundreds of men out there interested in me, but they’re being to subtle about it. I don’t do subtle – I need beating over the head with these things. Then there’s this whole feeling I’m not actually worthy of love and…

    Oh sod it. It’s clearly my fate to end up the old cat lady so I might as well accept it. Good job I like cats really, isn’t it?

  8. Ò€œoh, you are so wonderful, it would be a crime for you to be singleÒ€

    Not to turn the table to myself, but I hear that a lot as well, so I understand how hearing it isn’t much help. I’m like one of those guys that you don’t like because I’m not very assertive when it comes to asking a woman out. So I know where my problem lies. Perhaps you should toss a wink toward a guy with those killer eyes every now and then…

  9. but IÒ€ℒll be damned if IÒ€ℒm going to turn half of Hampshire inside out just to find you.

    But…. why not?

    You’re a modern, independent woman. With this site you’re embracing — and dare I suggest, helping to create — 21st Century culture. Why then take such an old-fashioned view of courtship?

    I’m not suggesting Speed Dating or any of that nonsense. But there’s nothing wrong with being a bit more forward. Flash a smile at the next guy you see with “a good pair of collarbones” (whatever they might look like). Start a conversation with that nice bloke at work, or at the gym, or whatever. It doesn’t have to be embarrassing, and it doesn’t have to include the words, “would you like to go out for a drink sometime?”. Just get chatting to people, and let them know that you’re interested. Don’t go over the top, obviously, but there’s no reason to be shy.

    Reverse the situation. If a guy came up to you and started chatting to you out of the blue, you’d probably think “he fancies me” or “he wants to ask me out” or whatever. But would you think any less of him for it? No. If he was attractive, you might be interested. And, strangely enough, it’s the same the other way round.

    Or to put it another way: what have you got to lose?

    Also (and I admit I’m too old these days to keep in touch with youth culture, being a whole two years older than you and everything, but…), what the hell is a “bottom feeder”? Google suggests it’s either an RSS reader or a kind of fish. Taking the phrase literally brings to mind an episode of South Park, but I don’t think that’s what you meant. I just can’t work it out!

  10. Y’all still seem to be laboring under the misapprehension that I’m an assertive so and so in these matters. I’m not. Think cowardy-cowardy-custard and multiply by ten. I think my track record should speak for itself – the last few times I made the first move it all went horribly wrong. Horribly wrong in a fashion where I had lots of fun, but still horribly wrong.

    Also it’s so much more fun to sit here and grumble!

    Jay – a wink is the way to go, is it? Right: must practice in front of the mirror so I don’t look like a freak who has something stuck in her eye.

    meowkaat – I can’t, no number. Foiled at the first hurdle. Dang πŸ˜‰

    Tristan – I don’t know why I take such an old-fashioned view of courtship in this respect. In most respects I’m all modern: but I don’t want to be the one to make the first move. Perhaps I read too many fairy tales as a kid and still have this fantasy of being swept off my feet. I freely admit my gender perceptions are very, very screwed up, but that’s how it is. What have I got to loose? Dignity? Self respect? Oh, hang on, I lost those years back. Um…

    Give me a little while and I’ll think of a good reason. I am, it must be said, crap at flirting, even subtle flirting, in person. Once I get the guy on MSN he’s MINE, MINE I tell you. But then you run the risk of building hopes up so when you finally do get to an actual date…

    As I said, Cat Lady is just an easier option. I reverse my position. I don’t want to find someone. I want to remain a spinster till I die. Hell, if this was a Jane Austen novel I would be firmly on the shelf by now any road. Things were so much easier in those days.

    As for bottom feeder, I don’t think there’s a direct translation, but in the context of this sentence “unattractive sludge-eating fish” is probably closest. Someone so far down the food chain you’d have to be far more desperate than me to even consider it. Thankfully I have no idea what episode of South Park you are talking about!

  11. I always thought it was interesting (read: infuriating) how the nice girls (or guys) are everywhere when you’re taken, but go into hiding again as soon as you become single.

    I’d take you on a date if we were acquainted personally. πŸ™‚

  12. Thanks for the support meowkaat. πŸ™‚

    Since this is my first time delving into the comments here, shall we have a bit of fun and play a little game.

    It’s called know the writer by her readers.

    Since you friendly folks are bound to know our Cas better than I do, what do you think the response would be in the scenario that I send her a mail with my number and, since we’re getting into old fashioned courtship, declaring my interest.

    Would she:

    a) Grab the emergency Assam filled flask and flee to a safe hold
    b) Do something unspeakably sinister with the number [everyone has got to appear on Radio 1 somehow]
    c) Delete without a thought
    d) Delete with apprehension
    e) Save, umming and arring as to whether to act
    f) Pick up the phone
    g) Phone a friend
    h) Ask the audience (that would be you fine fellows)
    i) Pick up the phone and actually make the call
    j) _______ add your suggestions here

  13. Well I can’t say I know Cas that well, though I did meet her long before this site was in existance…

    Anyway, but based on the above, I would say (j), being

    “Have a cup of tea. Then, save the number on her phone, and either
    i) Reply to the e-mail, including her number, or
    ii) Um and ah before sending a short text message, so that you had her number as well”

    Then it’s back to you for the next move, and Cas gets to feel like she’s being chased.

    By the sound of things though, sending your instant messenger details in the e-mail instead (or aswell) would be a quicker way into her be- um, affections…

  14. J) have a long conversation with Moose during which I will give her lots of bad advice while attempting to sit on the fence, and keep pointing out that I am the last person in the world to give advice on this subject (if this were a Jane Austen novel I’d have been on the shelf so long I’d be growing mould).

  15. J) – All the minions get together to hatch a dastardly plot including fluffy bunnies, candles and a small Scottish island (or something similar) – to ensure things run smoothly.

    Actually – I’d go with Moose’s J – with added helping of email.

  16. You don’t have to read the blog brother dearest – perhaps I should flag certain posts “not for family consumption”?

  17. Why thank you Rich πŸ˜€

    And I’d have to say Moose and illyna have it pretty much on the nose. I like the plan involving fluffy bunnies and Scottish islands. I’ve always been fond of Scotland…

    And I’m not just making excuses here, but whatever the reason – and I’m not just talking in the context of this post here – I wouldn’t recommend sitting back and waiting for me to email. I am pants at emailing. I’d like to say it was just another of my endearing qualities, but I have to admit it is probably more annoying than endearing. Even my father on the phone this evening said “I’d wait for you to phone me… but then I’d never speak to you”. I like speaking to people. I like getting emails etc. Just… I suck monumentally at being the one to make the call or the email.

    It’s the way it is.

    Funnily enough, the best way to get my attention is to comment on the blog – you’re more or less guaranteed a comment within 24 hours!

    And on that note, because I have clearly caused my brother to wish he could wash his brain out, I await the next comments 😈

  18. Send the email with the number, Dan! How can you resist?! You’ve heard her melodious voice on the britecasts, haven’t you? Don’t you want to hear it all in your own ear?
    (Cas- I snuck a peek at him and I’d bet his collarbones will do nicely)

  19. LOL!

    I LOVE this post! It’s made me grin like a fool all week! You guys are just the best – I’d take you all home if I could πŸ˜€

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