I’m a little broken at the moment. My neurotransmitters have gone on safari without me and that old friend depression is kicking my butt, ably abetted by another old chum, Chronic Fatigue. Joy. I’m getting help, but I’m a little further down the rabbit hole than I like to be right now. I’m doing everything I need to be doing and I know that this too shall pass. Having been on this particular merry-go-round a few times before, I know this, which is bizarrely rather reassuring.

So I don’t write this to solicit sympathy.

Rather, I feel the need to explain why I am being a crap friend and human being right now. I’m ducking out of engagements, avoiding people, hermitting, making shit excuses for not doing things, not to mention ignoring people I actually care a lot about. There have been a fair few instances where I’ve made plans and then cancelled at the last minute. Not to mention the emails I have still to return. I am sorry. Some days are better than others and I just never know how a particular day will go. I honestly, sincerely, plan to follow through on the things I commit to. I’m just failing.

I hate failing.

Grrr. Silly body.

Bear with me, please, lovely people. Pretty please. I am working on restoring normal service, but part of that process is giving myself permission to be a bit pants at this whole “having a social life” stuff. I know it’s rather dull to ask “what did you do at the weekend?” and for me to respond every time with “slept, didn’t leave the house”. It is also mildly distressing that my most meaningful relationship right now is with my duvet and a giant penguin called Archibald. Then there’s my attention span. Brain injured goldfish have nothing on me. I’d like to be able to concentrate on something more complex than the plot of the latest Nora Roberts novel, but… Nope. Endless Gilmore Girls reruns is about all I can handle right now.

Here’s hoping things will return to an even keel soon, because if nothing else I don’t think my book group will agree to my literature choices much longer…

What can you do? Just be yourselves. After all, that’s why you’re in my life in the first place 😀

Just keep bringing the tea, keep asking me to do things, and please don’t be upset if I say no.

Oh, and make sure you step between me and any hairdressers or tattoo artists. If you let me get a buzz cut or more ink, I will not be amused.

5 thoughts on “Broken

  1. I understand and sympathize — I’ve been having serious problems with my depression since mid-summer. (Just when I thought I was better, I took another nosedive last week. Sigh.) Hang in there…

  2. Just seen this. You are forgiven all instances of hermiting, I send hugs and evil penguins, mental tea and anything else you need. Just tweet / yell / email / call (though I know you and know that reaching out is an issue, hugely glad you felt able to tell us all it was pants at the moment). x x x x

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